El Dugan

Check out my awesome best friend on NPR. She’s the shit.

http://www.thetakeaway.org/2010/aug/09/tough-questions-hard-answers-when-babies-are-born-too-soon/

Dear Morton Arboretum,

I attended your last summer concert last night; Bettye LaVette and Mark Cohn. I have some suggestions for you to make the experience more enjoyable for your second year of concerts.

Firstly, I was impressed with the sound you created without having speakers positioned around the park but rather just facing outward from the stage. As a veteran of summer concert venues like Ravinia and the Pritzker Pavilion, when I saw your set-up I was ready for thready sound and too much bass.  But I was wrong. It was a good sound, well balanced and enjoyable.

However, the rest of the concert experience was something of a let down.

I paid $31 for the exquisite pleasure of carrying my own chair, standing in line for 20 minutes while the sound check went on beyond the shrubs after the park was supposed to be open, being searched (without my permission, the man just dove into my purse without asking if he could) for alcohol like a kid at a high school football game, having my alcohol confiscated and then getting to pay $5 a glass for your indifferent wine while listening to people chatter through the concert and being eaten alive by mosquitoes and having only an unlit port-o-potty available to use when nature called. For this I paid $31. Actually, $62 because I thought this might make a nice evening out for my boyfriend and I.

I get that you might not be able to spray or fog for mosquitoes. Concert venue is not the Arboretum’s main purpose, of course. There was a women who made some announcements before the concert and instead of spending the time trying to hock more over-priced wine and smoothies, she might have done 2 minutes on why you can’t fog for mosquitoes and then directed people to the FREE bug spray you offer. (I really think this would be a plus.) Most people brought their own, as did we, but the bugs were so bad that any acknowledgment of how the crowd was about the swarmed would be a PR boost.

The gestapo like search of my bag really put me off. If there had been a notice…ANYWHERE, on the ticket, in the parking lot, AT THE ID CHECK, that alcohol was not allowed past this point, we could have turned around and put it back in the car. But the first notice we got was in line, as a man in a faux security outfit rifled through my purse. And, why, exactly, is alcohol not allowed in the park? Many people (we had time to speak to them as we waited for the park to open) assumed, as we did, that for $31, no roof, and to carry our own chairs, we were allowed to bring in alcohol, like the adults that we are. I assume you are trying to make more money by forcing people to buy your alcohol. Ravinia still makes a pretty penny in alcohol sales even though you can bring in a whole liquor store if you can find a way to haul it from the parking lot. It just smacks of money grubbing.

Overall, for a venue that can’t provide seating, a bug free environment, a guarantee that I won’t be rained on, surround acoustics, or a quiet atmosphere for listening to a concert, the price that you are charging is steep. If I had been allowed to mitigate that price and those conditions by bringing in a bottle of wine to share with my party I would not be writing this letter. The music was good. But as I sit here scratching my bug bites I wonder if it was worth it and doubting that I attend an event there again.

We are giving our current landlord notice today. We were supposed to sign a new lease 5/1. He has it for us today, of course. That’s how he does things. So he may be surprised/upset we aren’t going to sign the 3 month old lease. He is also coming to change a filter, which hasn’t been changed the whole time Big A has been here (a filter that is supposed to be changed every 6 months). Regardless of his benevolent lassitude, he hasn’t been a bad landlord.

When I first moved to Chicago, I lived with Jules and Steve in a three bedroom brown stone in Lakeview, with no A/C, no parking, no dishwasher and bad bad wiring. Steve moved out and then Jules and I lived there for 4 years. Dick was our landlord. He has passed away since then, but he was a very conscientious guy and a decent landlord. He fixed things immediately, and was unhappy when we left anything outside, in the yard, like a lawn chair. The yard was cut with military precision. The same month I moved in, the weird religious lady upstairs moved out and Bob moved in. Bob was a newly divorced dude who NEVER TOOK OFF HIS SHOES. And, Bob was an insomniac. He also had a tween boy who liked to practice his wrestling moves on the weekends.

The next place I lived was my dad’s but we won’t talk about that. 9 months later I was back in Lakeview in a crappy studio. Two rooms for all my crap was not enough and when I got Piggy, the maintenance man who lived below me, in a garden apartment, started banging on the ceiling about once an hour. When he stood on the stairs and blocked my way to my apartment so he could yell at me, I moved out.

I move to Ravenswood, which I discovered, was awesome and a great place to live. Then I got Simon. We lived above the laundry room so Piggy and he could bang around all they wanted. I loved that place. I might still be there, if they hadn’t turned it into condos. They wanted $206,000 for my one bedroom, no A/C apartment I paid $745 a month for. Um, no.

Then it was a journey to the bowels of Humboldt Park. A garden apartment of my very own. In the four years I lived there, I called the cops 4 times (twice on my upstairs neighbors, twice for gun shots in the street), had the gas turned off because of a misunderstanding between my landlord and myself, had the heat quit, because the landlord forgot to change the heater filter (he said I should have reminded him), had my electric turned off because the landlord forgot to pay the bill, had my car stolen, and had a pitbull abandoned in the stairway because a lady passing by decided I had more room for him than she did. My mother was so happy when I moved.

And now we are moving again. I would really like to stay somewhere for like 15 years. Or, you know, buy something. HA! We’ll see. Since I am home, packing will fall mostly to me. A box a day should do it I think. Now, I have to get those boxes.

Hey there! No, I’m not dead or trapped under something heavy. I just haven’t been feeling like posting. There has been some stuff.

We can start with the fact that I have been unemployed for like seven weeks and still can’t get unemployment because my former employer hasn’t done their stuff in IL. They also filed my 403b under the wrong name, my COBRA under the wrong address, and my SS under the wrong SSN AND the wrong name. As far as I know, this wasn’t a calculated thing to f up my life, but all mistakes. It’s been AWESOME sorting it out.

Sadly the job market hasn’t sprung into place around me. No job. Not many prospects. Boo. Still looking though. Big A is working on my website at bethdugan.com. Should be up soon. He has some elaborate plan to use my amigurumi animals to anchor my website. Here are the animals!

Big A was offered a permanent position at the place he was temping which is great news for us! And so we are moving into a larger place. A larger place down the street but off the main drag from where we are now. And…IT HAS A PORCH! We are very excited. Also, we don’t have to share a closet or bathroom anymore and I shall have a pleasant place to hang out and look for a job. Also, we should have a party when we get settled. His friends. My friends. Oh boy. So now while looking for a job, I get to pack, clean and organize, which are all things I am good at.

And then my best friend and her lovely family moved to Boston for reals. Sigh. I miss them all and am missing my nephew’s birthday at the end of this month. Boo. But they are in a place they love with people who love them and Boston is a lovely place to visit. And there is always Skype.

Yesterday I did a whole bunch of stuff that needed doing. Today, I wait. My new laptop is being shipped from China and, per the Fed Ex website, it should arrive today. So I am waiting for Fed Ex.

Yesterday I went to the unemployment office three times. That’s right. Three. Times. Oh joy. It’s in like Garfield Park which isn’t all that far away so it didn’t take long to go back and forth but so annoying! And yet, watching people there struggle to understand how to fill out really basic paperwork and comprehend the Byzantine system they have in place reminded me how lucky I am. I know how to work the system, whatever system. I am not stymied by things like not having a pay stub or knowing where my SSN card is. Or having an SSN card. There was a women in front of me in line who didn’t have a permanent address. She was crashing on someone’s couch so she didn’t have a pay stub from her last job. She didn’t have a SSN card, didn’t know her SSN. She can’t get the benefits she is entitled to. I can, and I need them a whole lot less. I also have the resources to get to the IDES office  three times in one day. I’m not dependent on the CTA. I can drive, pay for a cab, have a friend drive me, since my friends are also similarly endowed with, well, money and resources. So the issue, which was that the sisters didn’t file for me in Illinois, rather Nebraska, should be resolved swiftly. I am lucky.

And to hit another first world kind of problem, I have to wait, kind of by the window for Fed Ex because my buzzer is broken. And my iPhone reception is bad in the house. So to get my shiny new technology, which will hopefully help me work as a freelancer and earn money, I have to hang out at home, watching Roku and crocheting. Poor me.

Here is the new thing I learned how to make:

Farkel, the Amigurumi pig

My godson likes pigs a great deal, so I choose this as my first animal to make. I have a ton of pink yarn now, so I have to find other pink animals to make, or make an army of pigs. I have four nephews now, and they are all getting a pig, obvy, as is my new friend Kenny, who grew up on a farm and don’t dig on swine since he had a pet pig.  Anyone else want a pig? Or another pink animal? I have a bunch of gray as well and Randy wants a rat so that’s next. Today I sit and wait and crochet silly animals. Tomorrow, we take over the world, Pinky!

• Watched the new season of Doctor Who, or at least the six or so episodes available.
• Had two interviews with recruiters.
• Been sick.
• Got my car all legal and shit to the tune of $350 (title, registration, plates, city sticker…)
• Got better.
• Sorted out all my old books.
• Put together a professional portfolio
• Watched my new obsession, River Monsters, Seasons 1 and 2. YIKES! There was a bull shark in Lake Michigan. El Dugan OUT!
• Got sick again. Perhaps not again so much as never really got better the first time.
• Bought a new laptop. It was necessary.
• Got my BFF to call in a Zpack for me with wondrous results.
• Started some writin’. Clearly not on the blog. Other writin’.
• Lost weight just from not being at work with the old ladies and their damn treats.
• Fixed the stereo.
• Fixed the toilet.
• Fixed the cat vomit and cat pee issues in one fell swoop.
• Canceled on a bunch of people because of the sickness.
• Cried about how my life has no direction.
• Gotten very excited about my new direction.

More to come. I have been so busy with sickness and trying to make my new career a thing that I haven’t sat down in a while to write much. The laptop should be coming  tomorrow and then it might not take 5-15 minutes to boot up and run a program. It just may increase my productivity. And the peace.

Though I haven’t been unemployed in over five years, it feels like I have. I have had employment woes. I really don’t know if I am making some seriously bad choices with good intentions or if there is a deep and serious flaw in my personality that makes it hard for me to hold a job, but, once again, I am sans employment.

My position was eliminated and I am on the dole again. Never fear! I have a plan. I am going to hang out my shingle and work freelance for a while. Maybe forever, if it works out.

This was not totally unexpected, and I have already made inroads into my new path. Big A is working on a website for me to sell my wares. I have contacted a number of talent agencies who find freelancers work. I have been pitching like a mad woman and getting back into the swing of thinking of story ideas. I’m hopeful about freelance work. For one thing I like it a lot. For another, I am very fast. A third would be my experience in marketing myself, which I think I am pretty good at.

But as soon as I got the news, I got sick. I have been sick with a cold-like  thing all weekend and I am not sleeping well. Yesterday I watched a whole bunch of Buffy on Roku and then had Buffy dreams. Blah. And I had Bust A Move stuck in my head, thanks to watching The Blind Side.

So look for my new website coming. Big A is designing a logo for me. He asked me to describe myself in design terms and I said something like, “Sans serif, clean, sharper lines, bright colors but not too bold. I’m really a marshmallow inside.” Apparently this is not how he sees me and he laughed and laughed and has been repeating this story to our friends. Who also laugh. Maybe I am just feeling a little marshmallowy this week. Next week I will be back to kicking ass and taking names or whatever it is that he thinks I do.

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t seen the ending of LOST , don’t read this.

Sometimes I feel kinda shallow.

I don’t need to know why we are here…I don’t want to think about and puzzle the different reasons we may or may not have this or that and do this other thing. I did this already. It was called high school. I thought about free will and destiny and why humans are here and if there is a god and what his/her/its plan is, where we go when we die.These conversations BORE ME TO TEARS. What’s the point? We don’t know. We’ll never know, not for reals. I have opinions. I really doubt your argument, that I am sure I have heard before, would change my mind, so ssshhhh. And if it did change my mind? So?

My issues are much more prosaic. I want to know why I keep having that dream, the annoying one about moving, how I can make a dressing that tastes like the one they have at Domo 77, why people do stupid things,  I want to know about the nature of friendship and relationships, and I want to know if there is really a good garlic press out there, or if I am just spinning my wheels. I’m all set with the big questions, it’s the littler ones that niggle at me.

Anyway, I watched the Lost series finale like a bagillion other people. I watched the first two seasons, lost interest, caught up because it was all available on my Roku, and became very into it again. That whole Roku strategery was a good one, Lost-dudes.

Apparently the whole thing was a Bardo or bardos. It’s very interesting. The concept that I have been reading a little about, and the show. Both. I wasn’t so intrigued with the whole thing coming to some kind of understandable fruition. Granted, it would have been tedious if it had just gone on and on. But I didn’t need the big story solved. Again, I want to know how/why the polar bears were there, who built the giant statue, and how did they get that tattoo on the shark. I loved the patterns in the show: the numbers, the reflections, the books, the daddy issues everyone and their…daddy had. Hey, let’s call a spade a spade: I loved seeing Sawyer reading on a beach with his shirt off. There. So sue me.

The finale didn’t answer all the questions and GOOD. All tied up in a neat little bow is frankly annoying. I like a little weft back and forth in my stories. At the same time, this was kinda neat and tidy. Everyone got to get together at some point in time and space, clean, smiling, not beat up on anymore, out of their wheelchairs and whatnot. I wept when Juliet and Sawyer got together. And again when Vincent came and laid down with Jack so he didn’t have to die alone. WEPT! Overall, I found it very satisfying in the sense that they had the courage to not answer all our questions, and even end by opening up some new questions to the audience, while killing off…everyone, and bringing them back again. I liked it. I am sad it is over, but glad it ended.

I have always wanted an exotic pet of some kind. I know, I know! This is not a good idea. I blame it on a book I had when I was little called, If I Had a Lion by Liesel Moak Skorpen. It is about a little girl who has a lion pet. He follows her around, waits outside of school for her, eats her veggies when she doesn’t want to, and puts his big shaggy head on her bed at night if she has bad dreams. It is a very cute book and I still have it somewhere.

I want a lion or a tiger or a monkey or a sugar glider or a fenic fox or a sloth. I know this is not a good idea, especially with those larger animals who would eat me. I don’t want a real lion, but that child’s book version of a lion, like a person in a lion suit. And having heard Big A’s story about when his dad bought them a monkey and it wreaked havoc in their house, I know even a monkey would be problematic. Jeff Corwin says his fenic fox attacks visitors. Even Shreve over at The Daily Coyote says having a wild animal as a “pet” is tough and limits your life very much.

Ok, all of this is true.  I am never going to get a monkey, or a chinchilla, or a sugar glider…BUT LOOK AT THE SLOTHS!

Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.

I WANTS ONE! My precious…

I do a two-toed sloth imitation, you know. I am quite famous for it in some circles.

Okay, maybe I will stick with the mini-pony. Look at it! It’s apartment sized!

The inevitable Facebook backlash has begun, or perhaps it is well underway and I am just noticing its vitriol now.  I just saw a someone on Facebook joined a group called “Quit Facebook Day”. Oh, the irony. And that day is May 31. You gonna quit?

I have been proponent of Facebook for a long time. Years, in fact. I played Bejeweled Blitz until I saw gems floating on the back of my eyes as I tried to sleep. I stalked and found dozens of people I thought I would never find again. I have rekindled friendships with some amazing people, received support and congratulations for accomplishments, satisfied my curiosity about a number of exes and wasted a goddamn lot of time. I know of events, planned events, learned way to much about people, waffled about my relationship status, had fights about what was posted or not posted on Facebook, and discovered communities I am surprised I ever did without. I have had the bizarre experience of getting a Friend Request from a person I knew who had just died. It, in short, changed my life.

But I get why people are starting to be done.

The privacy stuff is upsetting. Instead of opting in, now you have to opt out. Bummer. And you have to do it OVER and OVER. It is a drag. I have to keep locking down my profile. I had to start a separate profile for work because I couldn’t control what was going on there, enough. No problem. Now I have profile #2 on which I am friends with a bunch of work people and nuns. But I can’t quit. Not yet.

Seriously, how would I keep up with my cousins in California, Seattle, Pittsburgh, not to mention my friend all over the world? I feel like my world would dramatically shrink. I might have more privacy but it would not be worth it. So far. But I am waiting for the next thing.